Parenting Articles:

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Not By Choice
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Single Parenting and Sex

"Sex" is a three-letter word that we treat as a four-letter word when it comes to talking with our children. Why do we do this? Is it because our parents did not talk to us about sex, so we are not comfortable talking to our children about sex.

As our children come of age, there will be questions and answers they will demand of us, which must be answered truthfully, honestly and with clarity. They will ask questions about themselves and their sexuality and they will ask us about our sexual lives.

We should not be ashamed or afraid to talk to our children about sex. Sex is only as ugly as we allow it to be. The more we avoid the subject of sex, the more curious our children will become. Our children may have questions such as: why do I feel warm when my hand brushes against my girl friend's, why do I feel excited when I sit next to him, why do I think about her every hour in the day and dream about her at night? As their parents, we should be able to talk to our children honestly and openly about these feelings, so that our children will be able to understand these emotions and questions.

Single parents should talk to their children about all types of relationships, and what it means to have a male or female friend. You may have a male or female friend, that is a non-sexual friendship, It is important that our children understand the difference. It was difficult introducing my daughters to my date if I was going out for the evening. Sometimes they would run to their room and have a giggling fit, or they would just stare in silence. I would be wondering exactly what they were thinking; did they sometimes see him as a potential father, or just a date. My dates were few and eventually my girls understood that he was just a male friend.

Our sons and daughters do feel pressured to have sex; perhaps because it replaces the love he or she feels is missing in their lives. He or she might try to hold on to that person, by giving into sex. A first time experience might leave him or her feeling disappointed, guilty, frightened and confused. We need to be there for them. Our children should know they have a safe, nonjudgmental place to turn in the face of peer pressure.

Our children need to understand the dangers involved in having unprotected sex. Unwanted pregnancy, Aids and other sexually transmitted diseases are deadly factors. Single parents and all parents should not make sex seem like a plague. We should try to make our boys and girls understand that sex between two mature, responsible, consenting adults at the right time and with the right person can be a beautiful thing.