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Blending

What is a Blended Family?

Blended families are also called stepfamilies. When a blended family is formed, family members take on new roles and responsibilities. Having a new family is a chance to love and share with a larger family. Blended families have a lot of love to give.

A new family may mean less space and sharing of bathrooms, living areas, bedrooms and a need for special times or places for privacy. For a single parent family this means a new parent and sometimes- new brothers and sisters, new grandparents, aunts, and uncles and cousins and other relatives and friends. Even when the children are not living in the new home it is still a blended family.

In the new blended family, the biological parents must be allowed to have visitation rights. This is sometimes a concern of the other parent. In the Turk & Caicos Islands the legal status and responsibilities of stepparents and biological parents arenât always clear.

In a case of divorce parents, one parent may try to poison the childâs mind with stories about the wicked stepmother or cruel stepfather without giving the other parent a chance. This only causes anger and frustrations between the parents. Remember a stepparent is not a replacement for another parent. For a child, there is no such thing as an ex-mother or ex-father. Some parents in blended families feel they can win over their new family by being a super-parent this just isnât realistic. A parent may feel they have to become an authority figure demanding instant respect and obedience. This often results in resentment and strong resistance from all children involved. Parents should be themselves, being too pushy about forming a relationship with the child can backfire.

One way for a stepparent to get to know children is to make time for sharing favorite activities. There is no such thing as instant love. Love and respect grow over time. Neither parent nor child can be expected to feel love immediately. Let the children know that you want to get to know them but there is no rush. Be flexible and not try to change things too quickly. Let the children set the pace. In blended families conflicts and concerns are growing pains that result in a greater understanding and stronger family foundations.

Some parents may feel threatened by what they see as their new partnerâs interference. The new partner may seem to demand too much time or attention of the other adult. He or she may get in the way of the old relationship between the parent and child. What worked in the first single parent family doesnât always work for a blended family. You should know the financial realities before beginning or making a commitment to the blended families. Discuss support payments, childrenâs schooling costs and other issues before making the plunge.

Parents should work out rules for homework, bedtime dating and other issues before discussing them with the children. Parents should listen to everyone involved and they will be more willing to listen to you. It is up to the parents to make the final decision and work together as a team. Both sets of children need to be treated exactly the same. Living in blended family can be a challenge and joy. Remember a blended family means extra work but the results are worth the effort.